jenpri

 So, here I am back in my city, called Ningbo. Nothing to do, except allow time to flow and show me what is next coming for me. Out of the blue, my daughter told me to get a pet. Since I had grown up with a pet, I said "why not". I always wanted a dog, so I began asking around in groups if there was anyone having puppies to give away.  To my utter surprise, someone approached me to care for a kitten. They had many to care for and were looking for anyone who would care for this small one. After some mind boggling confusion, we finally decided to go for it and get the small little one.  Before going, we were told to get somethings ready, such as cat bag, cat litter, cat food, cat bed. And here I was,  "I am getting cat and I have added more additional responsibility to myself". Anyways, I still went ahead to purchase them.  The day came to get the little one. We picked her up in a cat bag and took her directly to the vet to have her checked-medically if she was fi...

I just watched a film called Queen, its an Indian film, quite old, about 7-10 years old---- maybe.  Well, the point here that I’m trying to make is the feeling of being trapped and suddenly feeling free. That's what the film was showing, the heroine was feeling trapped, then she encounters the experiences of her life that suddenly changes her thoughts, her feelings and her inner desires.  She suddenly breaks off and feels free and free.  I AM also feeling free, but still feeling trapped. I too want to be free, free to make my own choices, free to choose what I want and where I want to go. Free to just life without feeling trapped in a visa, that is timed.  I could connect with the lady of the film, in the feeling of being free. I could connect with her inner being. I could connect with her heart's yearning of wanting to be free, of wanting to do what I want, of wanting to live where I want, and of wanting to work what job I want.  Right now, I don't know what jo...

 So I am back to home, which is based in China. Yes, I call this my home, coz I have been here for almost 20 years. And so it was for my hubby dear. And who knew that he would one day leave from his own motherland.  But I am diverting from my focus for this write up. I have come back, but my mind and soul doesn't anymore belong here. I am back to work, but my heart isn't. I am amongst my so-called Ningbo friends, but my heart isn't. What's wrong with me???? I want to say that I EVEN DON'T KNOW WHAT WRONG WITH ME. I will probably be here till my daughter completes her university, then what? I actually would like to travel, but where am I going to get the finance to allow me to travel. I don't want to work in this place anymore. I don't want to live here anymore. I want to work for myself now. One thing I have come to realize is that, I don't want pressure. The minute my system feels pressure, I begin itching, a sign of body inflammation.  I don't know...

 Gosh! Why is it so so hard for my mom in law to see some logical sense.  Ok, will begin from the beginning.  After anyone who passes away in this country, a death certificate is issued by the govt. This is an important certificate which is given to the banks and any other legal matters where the deceived's signatures were needed.  SO! We have been waiting for this certificate for over 15 days, and it was told to us that it will come next week. When and which day isn't given. Just next week is been told to us. Now me and daughter are here in this boring city with absolutely nothing to do. I had plans to visit the famous Golden Temple this week and she told me not to go, coz it will come this week. OK, i agreed. Now my daughter is planned on leaving soon, and i want to visit any nice resort just to have a feel of what a resort is in this city. Now she is telling me that i can't and that the certificate will come anytime i am away.  hey, we have been waiting for s...

Starting a new life all over again at the age of 52 is kind of daunting, but its something i have to do.  currently stuck at home in Chennai with mom in law, is relaxing but boring as well. I know people say I should mourn but for how long? Is mourning going to set me to my next part of my journey ? Is mourning going to bring me bread and butter? I don't believe we should stay in this state of mind for long and allow depression to take over our living condition. I have finally learnt what it means when people say, "Life must go ON", and thats exactly what I want as well.  Being bored at home is driving me and my daughter up the wall. If I was in my own place, I would have things to do and keep my mind occupied. Right now, I’m keeping myself occupied by watching movies online (I wouldn't have this time), writing this blog (to which I’m thankful for the time), studying my course (I wouldn't have had the time), relaxing and not cooking (I dislike cooking). WOW! so ma...

 Its been 1 week now for husband's demise. Yes, 1 week already! How do I feel? I don't know! I am not feeling happy nor do i feel sad. I knew his time was coming soon, but I was still waiting and hoping to see him, but I guess he didn't want us (both me and my daughter) to see him in the last stage of his illness. According to my neighbor, he wasn't doing so well. He had lost weight drastically, and was bones. He wasn't eating so well, had a lot of breathing problems and was depending on getting extra oxygen from the cylinder and the oxygen concentrator, wasn't having enough water, and was unable to speak and sit up for long. His cousin had recently passed away, and I guess when he heard that news, he couldn't take that blow. I know its cruel of me to say this, but he has been released from his painful state of physical body. He was in miserable pain and needed medications to numb the body pain.  His illness was progressing but slow while he was with me in C...

  We all love to be called by friends for a good party. If we aren’t called, then we feel left out and begin to feel sad for ourselves. Some like partying everyday and some like going out once a week ( that’s me ). But some like to go out even when they are ILL AND SICK. I mean, that’s a sign of desperation, isn’t it?? Just recently I went out with some friends, after a long time, to just relax and have a good time. And there I meet another friend who came, nice to see her, but she had the flu!!!! Another friend also had a serious flu and since she was a good friend, I requested her to get herself tested. Why?   Coz the next day we had to attend ANOTHER BIRTHDAY PARTY. And for this, the host had invited over 45 people to their home. And since COVID loves us, we have to take precaution. Hence, the request went out to this friend and she obliged and got herself tested and thank goodness she was negative. Just so you all know, my school is very strict about their teachers getting...