Unknown future

 So I am back to home, which is based in China. Yes, I call this my home, coz I have been here for almost 20 years. And so it was for my hubby dear. And who knew that he would one day leave from his own motherland. 

But I am diverting from my focus for this write up.

I have come back, but my mind and soul doesn't anymore belong here. I am back to work, but my heart isn't. I am amongst my so-called Ningbo friends, but my heart isn't. What's wrong with me????

I want to say that I EVEN DON'T KNOW WHAT WRONG WITH ME.

I will probably be here till my daughter completes her university, then what? I actually would like to travel, but where am I going to get the finance to allow me to travel. I don't want to work in this place anymore. I don't want to live here anymore. I want to work for myself now. One thing I have come to realize is that, I don't want pressure. The minute my system feels pressure, I begin itching, a sign of body inflammation. 

I don't know where I want to go. I don't know yet what I want to do. My heart wants to settle in a place where I can work on my own pace, I don't mind going back to India, but NOT to Chennai. I am wanting to go to either Goa or to Pondicherry. But just the mere mention of this to my MIL, made her point out that I can't live there. I’m thinking that if I do decide to return to India, then all of her son's account will be taxed, which is what she doesn't want to happen. Or maybe she is thinking that I will be more expense for her. 

I seriously wish a good chance will open for me to allow me to go back to Goa or Pondi, but also allow me to travel outside of India, so that it serves all our issues. I would love to settle down in Bali. I love that place. 

I am so confused and confused and confused. 

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