Hardness and Sweetness, at the same time, how??

 

  I love my job. I love and want to make money, but why does my job have to be such a struggle. I have been working in this place for over 10 years now and have given so much of my private and feelings to this school. But its time now for the school to give something back to me, my respect, appreciation and recognition. I have made such lovely and some (or rather a few) long lasting friends here. I was a stepping stone for them to accept me as an Indian and made the pathway for all the other Indian teachers, who are here. 

But why, why and why does it have to be so hard for me to cope up now. 

I know for sure, its time for me to move on, find another job, do something for myself. 

But I am so shit scared to fall. Shit scared to be not able to earn enough.

I know I should remove and eliminate these doubts and negative thoughts from my mind. 

Does anyone else out these also have these same feelings and thought? Does anyone else out there, also have these attacks of insecurity? These attacks of being incapable? 

A friend at school (who just came in about more than a year ago), is leaving. She is my cuddly bear, whom I can share anything and everything under the sun with her, and not get judged. (I have another, but she isn't in the same country as mine). She listens and I listen to her and we keep talking and advising each other, and now she is also leaving. Well, she told me that the school actually plays and is playing on the psychology of our minds. Do you think this is possible?